14 September, 2015
Background: I wrote this 2 weeks ago but did not post it.
My mom started her chemotherapy yesterday. 6 cycles : 1 down, 5 to go.
Breaking big tasks into small, achievable milestones is the only way I can approach them without throwing in the towel on the first stumble. Sometimes I break things down by time,( get it done by friday) sometimes by milestone ( once the first thing is achieved, you tick it off and only then move on. I also reward myself( yes, you may have a new toy). Then back to the drawing board, both figuratively and literally.
I have a wall of Milestone paintings. The ones where I got it right , my heart swelled, and I was totally fulfilled at that moment. I keep them all on one wall and they chronicle my self belief and mark my path to date.
So, for every chemo session my mother endures, I paint with an open heart, a focussed mind and a determination to mark the progress with a good thing, a thing of wonder and joy. It keeps the bad thoughts at bay and offers up a promise that for every bad thing, I try add a good thing.
But it's hard to stay focus with that dark thing lurking around the edges.
But , to add a little brevity into the situation, this also played in my head.