March has been manic.
The exhibition opened 3 March after a gestation of 9 months and has been well received. It's a mistake to think that once the work goes into the gallery the job is done. I think about it constantly and everyone asks me about it. We have spent every saturday in the gallery talking to collectors and visitors about the works, the processes and whatever else comes to mind mid-chat. I have analysed, revised and generally autopsied the whole show and it's not even over yet! The presence of it is exhausting.
The first week after opening saw me experience quite a downer." Post exhibit blues" proclaimed Di. She was right. It's that same feeling I used to get after finishing a series of punishing exams. You expect to feel elated at the prospect of freedom and finality, instead you are confronted by a void and wonder what it is you are supposed to do now "the thing" is done.
It only lasted a week. I made some half-hearted attempts to clean out the studio, my standard go-to procrastination routine, and then started painting. To be honest, the first day I just mixed colours and messed around. I had no direct objective and that really helped because then I had no expectations either. I had a plein air class that I love teaching, visited a gallery or two, read a bit and defunked myself slowly back into my life over the week.
It did not help that in the week after the exhibition, the kids actually needed me to stump up and perform as mommy and I was struggling with it. School swimming sports, Hockey practices, sick kid, meetings with HR Advisors ( I am also chairperson of the school board) to talk about audits and best practise policies and did I mention it's end of year for Tax and my books need attention?! I felt I was dropping balls all over the place. I kept it together, no one forgot to feed the kids or the dogs but the quality was not there.
Then everything started to right itself. I have spent a week with the feeling you get that reminds me of those moments JUST after you stop hiccupping: relief that it's over, residual muscle ache from a spasming diaphragm and an anxiety that it may not be over just yet! You breathe carefully for a while.
Half way through the month.
Just keep breathing.
Paint is going on canvasses. I have new work planned and a series lies against the wall, first pass on every canvas. I am planning a painting trip to South Island mid winter. I know.Crazy but good crazy. I have small shows lined up till the year end and I have exhibition dates pencilled in for 2018. The planning is good for me. It provides the structure I need to flail around in safely. The painters birdcage.
|The Opposite of Amnesia|
Oil on board